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”“This is a plot to see me naked, isn’t it?”“Well, it wasn’t, but now that you mention it, we never did play that game of strip chess!”“That’s true,” she said while laughing. “But wouldn’t Pete and Melanie be in there, too?”“Yeah.”“I don’t think I can do that. The first time you see me naked we should be alone.”“Is that an offer?”“Wait, I, uhm, that didn’t come out quite right.”“Don’t worry,” I said. “We’ll have dinner and a movie. We can save the naked stuff for when your parents are out of town.”Laughing, she said, “You’re bad!”I spent some time writing in my journal, listened to the Reds on the radio, and finally went to bed. I dreamed of Birgit and me together in the future with kids, living in Sweden. The dream ended like a mirror shattering but I slept on. I felt OK when I woke up on Tuesday morning.Dad took me to Doctor Mercer’s office. They met briefly without me, then he signed the forms, paid the office visit fee, and left. The receptionist ushered me into Doctor Mercer’s. Only with hindsight as an adult did I realize it was the best keptopen secret in the world! The taboo subject never to be talked about inmy presence, but no doubt a topic of conversation discussed in myabsence. Looking back as an adult minus my childhood naivety I nowcomprehend all the innuendos and subtle mickey taking I received from mypeers and adults alike, not to mention the unexplainable hostility fromcertain quarters.Within that new found hindsight which comes with maturity of adulthood Ihad to dispense with the delusion that my mother had no idea of myinclinations. In my own defence I only knew her in the first six years ofmy life before she was cruelly snatched away from me by a drunk driverwho mowed her down as she stood unaware on the pavement.Yes hindsight can be a wonderful tool in life to boost ones learning andexperience in order to make one wiser. However it is a double edged swordwhich can force the realization of all the supposed deceptions ones selfhad propagated.
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